NEW MESSAGES All of Michelle's latest messages have been posted exclusively on the Myspace. October 29, 2007 They say with great loss comes a sense of appreciation, I found this to be true growing up. When I moved here to Hollywood California four years ago with prosperity in my pocket, I briefly lost that sense of awe and appreciation for everyday life...excess became, what seemed at the time, my only remedy... Yeah, it took me a lot of falls to wake up, breathe, and appreciate again. I recall in my first interview, the reporter asked me: "Is there anything else you want to say to people about yourself that I haven't covered", and I said: "Yeah, Leave room for mistakes, I'm Human." Those words have resonated with me more than ever in the last four years. I believe everyone has a peak evolutionary level to grow from, individual and distinct to their own experiences in life. Personally for me, I don't know if it was the loss of material objects; my house, my cars, my bank account, the notoriety in my career, or the almost two years of not doing what I love because my peers deemed me 'too irresponsible to work with'... I do know one thing, I have evolved since then. I may not be a good time keeper and I may have punctuality issues and many other positive traits I'm tardy in acquiring, yet I have to say above all, I have gained a good moral grounding, I take responsibility for my actions, and I'm far from being an ill willed, ignorant, or a sneaky human in any way. The hardships and growing pains that I have lived do not complete the equation of who I am. I am incredibly grateful that no one was harmed but me in this long process of awakening as I am deeply sorry to all my family, friends, coworkers and fans that have been let down by my slow growth process. At this point I can only plea at the mercy of this court and the people, that the repercussions of my past actions do not affect the work, livelihood, and sustenance I provide for myself and my family dependent. I have reached the end of my rope with regards to my career. It has taken me two years to slow down and pay attention. My peers have begun to take notice of this change and have called me back to a position in society as a working class citizen. I only ask knowing I have been given many chances to follow the structure and guidelines provided, and I am well aware of my actions and their possible repercussions. My plea to this court and the people is merely that my debts to society do not interfere with my livelihood or that of my family dependent. I am incredibly grateful for the support of such cool people, especially for the outstretched hands of love towards animals. I feel the day we turn our backs on nature and it's wild life is truly the day we decide we don't love anymore, hopefully I won't live to see this awful cyber robotic mentality hell of a cold lifeless generation. I love the fact that you guys are down to care for animals like that. It's so hot to know the love is out there. I can't wait to start writing my child animal movie project script for you guys. It's those souls that still have that childlike purity that I want to reach out to and entertain, especially if it penetrates the minds of others seeking positive change. To see this kind of energy makes me feel I'm not alone, and it reminds me to imagine, create, and shape a path for story telling. I will not disappoint you, and I'm working hard to give myself the freedom I need to take off for a year and write, as I have wanted to for 13 years. I am about to embark on a journey with one of my favorite story tellers and mythology manifestors of all time. I wouldn't mind being this man's assistant, anything I could learn from him would make me so happy. I'm so not type to ass kiss, and I've never had a mentor in this business not anyone I respect as much. Case and point, I'm very happy right now, and I feel good about finally shedding my last pieces of dead skin, being born as a newly evolved creature and revealing to everyone who couldn't see before what I'm truly about. For the most part anyway. No veils, no masks. I'm talking about finally getting to that point where I am sitting on a chair talking to a great director, a team of great writers, kid actors, animal trainers, and awesome special effects teams. Making my dream of story telling come to life. Everything I do for the next three years will be leading towards that day.... I love you for your support and thank you for believing in me while most people labeled me and threw me in a corner. I need to know I'm not alone so I can remind you guys that you're not alone. Give and take I guess, yet it's more organic than that silly narcissistic saying. Thanks again guys. ONE. Oh by the way my friend asked me a really interesting question about an email I wrote to her. She just left to go to Med School for like four years. So most of our conversations are digital conversations. You know how writing can sometimes give you this freedom to elaborate cause you have more time to think before you speak right? Well I wrote to her this elaborate email about school being a marriage to existence, I wasn't talking about Med School. Confused she asked me what I meant by 'the school of life existing to fulfill a void in soul.' I would like to share this perspective with you guys and possibly get some feed back on how you see it and view existence in retrospect. Just looking back at your lives do you kinda feel like the whole things a big school or what? Here is the response I wrote to my friend: I don't think a human can exist in rapture or satisfaction simply existing on earth alone.... I think we have consciousness and curiosity for a reason. I really do think this place is a school for the soul or the neutral witness inside all of us. From My perspective its like The Human Body Vs. the DNA that commands its biological make up. Your body and its experiences may evolve and effect that DNA for your next of kin, whether you smoke, did a lot of drugs or lived a perfectly healthy life, your DNA most likely will evolve and be affected by this process of existence for generations to come. Infinitely evolving and moving on towards change. I feel the same goes for the MIND and The SOUL ( Or Witness of the mind). For me the mind is like the body and the soul like the DNA. if you sit there and do nothing under a tree like Buddha for 8 years of your life, you will be curious, and you will evolve by answering these curiosities, as long as your conscious, even sleeping, or have a breath of reason in you. whatever you do you will never leave school of life till death do you part. You're married to Life. The School of life. I know personally, If I hadn't this massive curiosity and awe about the world I would feel dead and purposeless. I think my soul is looking for something, hence the reference to school of life existing to fulfill the void of spirit. That void of spirit, to me is representative of the DNA's need to evolve, that need is = to the void of soul I speak of. Like an Infinite quest. I empathize and feel equal to everyone I encounter because I see that quest or yearning for fulfillment in the eyes of everyone I meet. If he or she didn't have some unfinished curiosity to fulfill I think people would just drop dead or become lifeless vegetables. Just a perspective snack to ponder. My grammar sucks ass. Hey guys, Long time no talk. Sorry about that I've bin running around once again like a chicken without a head getting this clothing line on track. I'm also working up a new hobby that will come in handy really soon when I move back home to the land of 'The Real', New York. I've bin downloading music and working with my DJ boys to see if I have what it takes to get the party jumping. I thought it would be a good Idea to completely disconnect myself from the hollywood world while I work on the clothing line, develop my own kid film project, and Learn to DJ. I think most adults are tainted, especially in Hollywood, so to refrain from ripping my clothes off on screen, playing the typical sex feen, or girlfriend role, I prefer to write the kid project I've had in my head since I was 15. It's time to write, it's what I got into the business for. This way I can start fresh next year, as a producer. By then, ten more celebrity people should have gotten DUI's in Hollywood and My mistakes will be long forgotten, that process has already started L.O.L.. guess I'm not so different after all. I thought I would Update you guys on what's going on lately, I know I've bin quiet, for the most part anyway. As far as rumors go of me coming out, I guess curve magazine took it upon themselves to out me on the premise of their own suspicions. Whatever, I'm not insulted, I have a big lesbian following, and for whatever reasons they show me love I'm never going to shun, disrespect or neglect anybody who shows me genuine non-psychotic Love. But I will Say this, to put words in someone's mouth and place people in categories affects them for sure, especially in this business. I don't know what the intent behind the curve magazine cover was. I wasn't informed of it, I had no Idea they were planning on using my image to sell magazines. By the way I only got kicked out of five schools not six. Look, I guess what I'm trying to say ultimately is that, if I wanted people to know what I do with my Vagina I would have released A sex video a long time ago. Yet i haven't done that. You know why? Because extremists can rarely be mediators, mass communicators, or chameleons for that matter. I have bin an extremist in my personal life, Yes. Yet I have never really over stepped the boundaries consciously in the public eye. I have really focused on specific types of films for that very reason, I don't need to be limited by judgmental labels, especially in a society ruled mostly by an MTV A.D.D. mentality. See, I even labeled, It's almost second nature to the generation Y culture, and what about the popular culture groups that buy up all the US Weekly's, In Touch's, Hello's And the readers of sites like Perez Hilton.com. If I were Ellen I may get away with: ' The I'm Gay' level of exposure, but I'm not a comedian, I like men; ( real One's Anyway) and I've only bin in this business for 7 years not 20. Years of recognition can give a person lots of leverage especially if you have many years of positive recognition under your belt. There are certain things that can close doors between a celebrity and certain audiences. Especially in a world where walls are constantly being put up by people seeking comfort and groups to belong to. There is so much out there, over-saturation of music, media, Agenda News, war, political drama, high school prom drama, image drama, religion drama, Bully drama. All this drama is caused by one thing, not understanding the true meaning of communication and the real power behind it. It's tough to learn, I'm working on it myself, but when people come out of nowhere and put words in my mouth or call me gay, they should really think for one second How they could truly affect my life by doing such things. You don't know what producer, director, would be husband or future audience member may be influenced by these opinions and media content. I want to communicate on a worldly scale, i don't care if your a bigot, highly religious, gay, poor, rich,stupid, or intelligent, i close no door when it comes to my media work. Some people, ( I call them 'the sheep People'), are highly susceptible to outside influences and suggestions, Especially that of recognizable media channels. These people may make up most of the worlds population. They may not want to even watch a film I produce, direct, or star in, because of Mediocre Rumors produced by insect sucubus media hounds looking for a quick buck. Who knows, I could have inspired his kid with a kids flic I produced, i could have done a female drama, that a girl would have felt empowered by, yet she didn't go see it because her religion says to 'steer from the queer', or the kid didn't see it cause highly religious Poppa doesn't want anything to do with films made by Michelle Rodriguez that DUI, Dyke, Misfit. I am free spirited enough to understand 'the keep it real be free' and 'The I can't care about everything they think' factor, yet I'm not stupid to the powers and influences of communication and I've screwed up enough to see the various repercussions of miss- communication. So All I say to both the audience and Media is to be mindful of what you say and do simply because Karma is real and you reap what you sow. Sheesh, I don't even know where to start. How about a year and a half ago, six months into the shoot of a show I was working on in Hawaii. I was on the phone with my agents back and forth for about a week straight on the subject of getting off the show due to the fact that I had to be injected with steroids every two weeks so I wouldn't look like a hive infested chipmunk every morning. I'm highly allergic to cockroach resin, dust mites, and mold, three elements that are prevalent in Oahu. Six months of this grueling process of steroid injections was beginning to affect me. I was under an agreement for a season and a half so my characters story could evolve and end, so I decided not to rock any boats and ride it out. Besides Hawaii is my second home allergies and all, I love it there. I was at the mall when I checked my messages and found that I was invited to watch Eve's episode at her home. I had been working on the show for about 6 to 7 months and hadn't really had many moments to get to know some of the cast because some of us barely worked together, so I thought this would be a good opportunity. Being that I was going to spend christmas and new years off the island i thought 'why not buy a nice bottle of champagne and chocolates'. So I did and I left the mall and made my way to Eve's house... I get there we watch the episode, eat some food, drink some champagne, talk about our holiday plans, and I decide to go because I've got an hour drive home to the north shore where I lived. Eve tells me I've had a drink and should probably stay over if it's getting late. I thought to myself: well what if I have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and I pee too loud, or what if I snore, sleep walk, or talk in my sleep." I didn't feel like I knew her well enough to embarrass myself in her home, let alone sleep over. My first inclination was Hotel. Then my friend and fellow cast member whom I had been working with every day says: " stay over my house I'm five minutes from here." I thought to myself, I feel comfortable around her, she wouldn't be surprised by anything I do... So I decided, five minutes away, at 15 miles an hour, never killed a pot head... So my dumb ass followed her home. I guess a drink or two can make you reason like a teenager or an insecure dork. We get stopped driving like 15 miles an hour down a 35 to 40 mph road. I cry, this sucks ass, I get over it take pictures with some cops at precinct on their camera phone, take a breathalyzer and go home a couple of hours later. I hire some lawyer from Hawaii, lose my 28 acres of land and my home in Jersey paying him off, just so I can get the same treatment I would have gotten from a public defender. I realized my payday in movies was way better than T.V. at that moment... So, long story short I finish my work over there in Hawaii, do my time, then I come to L.A. spend christmas and new years in rehab, " cause it's the Right thing to do." I get get bitch slapped by uncle sam again in hollywood. I do my time in L.A., i get out in a couple of hours because they only have room for real criminals like killers, drug dealers, and rapists. I pay fines, do my community service, and I get a sentence to wear a bracelet for three months. The bracelet is to detect liquor content in your sweat every half hour it takes a reading using some split fuel cell type technology. I go to get this thing put on and I realize this thing is like a freaking VCR, and why do they care If I drink, what am I gonna do, drink and walk over someone, I have no license. Anyway I put this contraption on and the second day the guy calls me and says you've got an alcohol reading. I was like, I haven't had any liquor. He's like, well you can't use listerine, no shampoo, or soap, or lotion, or perfume, with alcohol in it. I tried to get them to put me in jail but they had their mind set on this bracelet. So I go away to new york a couple of months ago and I get another reading, I'm like are you kidding me Im f-cking Fasting... I was on the cayenne peeper lemon water cleanse for four days straight, all I had in my system was lemon, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and water... After about three readings from this thing I started to feel a bit like a pawn, I didn't like the Idea that I could do possible jail time for using the wrong shampoo, fasting out toxins, or having vanilla in my tea. I felt like a guinea pig for a new technology. I think that level of vigilance is great for alcoholics, druggies, and heroin addicts. Yet I felt for someone like me, who loves her life too much to f*ck it up for a sip of a beverage, this level of control just isn't necessary. Thank God I got to take it off for a month or so to go work on "Battle in Seattle". It felt so good to be out of the country. Yet soon I was back in L.A. and Back to the bull Sh*t, a year and a half after Hawaii, I'm still hearing about this looming shed skin of the past. Pretty primal mentality to live in what happened as if it still is. I came up with the Idea of embracing the inevitable, with the hint of obvious irony. I decided on my trip to New York's fashion week to make a statement that I felt was necessary to express my truth. Hence the orwell 1984 reference in white out on the "Vigil Net Government Dog Tag'. What show better than Marc Jacobs. I feel good knowing that some people out there know what's really going on and maybe then at least have an idea where my insanity stems from. Life's a bitch and then I laugh. I just don't like being toyed with. I'm a full on believer that we create our own chaos, yet those that are strong will always get the shorter end of the stick, thats when i step back, weigh things, evaluate them, and stand stronger than I was before the storm. One things for sure I'll take FBI approved truth serum over a VCR Dog Tag any day of the week. I've got nothing to hide. You call on things in life by being who you are. You owe no one anything for that, remembering that, will allow you to never be held down in life by negativity. Please just be your truth and don't ever feel like you owe anyone anything. My disclaimer to the public is: "I'm human, to error is part of my perfection, creation, and evolution in this world, If you don't understand that, its none of my business. December 1, 2006 As far as music goes Ive been listening to "political stand" music lately to get me on the same wave length as the characters on this flick. I dug into my MP3 Library and found only 150 songs out of 3,500 that weren't just about the singers life, but about the world at the time. Its interesting how many contemporary singers only sing about themselves hoping we'll relate somehow. In the 60's & 70's there was lots of music about the world, about societies, about the people. Today its a hand full of musicians that really even give a shit enough to so much as mention the times and society. You've got U2, Seal, Jack Johnson, Dixie Chicks, Natalie Merchant, Ben Harper, Tracy Chapman,Roots, Kanye West, 2 Pac, and I only mean quality music you actually like to hear, (don't get me wrong) there are thousands of political stand music bands.... but the music's not hot. Here are a few of my choices: Beatles: 'Revolution' (Acoustic), "Come together", John Lennon: 'Imagine', Marvin Gaye: " whats going on ", " mercy mercy me",Benny E. King : " stand by me" Buffalo Springfield: " For what's it worth', America: " Horse with no name', Don Mc lean : " Castles in the air', "American pie', Creedence Clearwater Revival: " Have you ever seen the rain" ,The Doors: " Riders Of the Storm" Simon and Garfunkle : " America", " times are changing', Bob Marley: "get up stand up', " One Love/people get ready', ' Buffalo Soldier'. Ben Harper: " Strawberry fields', " I'll rise", " How Many Miles Must We March", Young Bloods: " Get Together", Jimi Hendrix: "castles made of sand', "star spangled banner', James Taylor: ' fire and rain", Grace Slick : " Somebody to love", Chamber Brothers : "time has", Canned Heat: " sick em piggies" ,The Verve : "bitter sweet symphony", U2 'Walk on', 'One", Seal : 'Crazy', ' don't cry', Arrested Development : " Everyday People', Sly And The Family Stone: "Everyday People", Joan Jett: " Everyday People",David Bowie: " Afraid of America", The Living End: "prisoner of society", Kanye West: " Diamonds from Sierra leone', 'jesus walks", Gnarls Barkly " Crazy", N.W.A. ' Express yourself", M.I.A.: " Pull Up The people", " M.I.A.", 2 pac: " Changes', "Life goes on',' thug mansion' Naz: " If I Ruled The World", Bobby Mc Ferrin: " Don't worry be Happy', Barret Strong: ' Money', Pink Floyd: " Mother" , " Money", ' us and them", 'the wall', Cold Play :" Politik', Counting Crows: " Long December', Morcheeba: " Get Along', " fragments Of Freedom", World looking in", Moby: " Natural Blues", Men At Work: " Down under", Doobie brothers: " Listen to the people", Aime Man: " Save Me", Nina Simone: 'Ne me Quitte Pas', ' Feeling Good", Natalie Merchant:' Life is sweet","Carnival' Nena : " Carpe Diem (sohne Mannheims Ragga Mix/radio edit), Nirvana : "come as you are"......... Thats what Ive been listening to lately, but I just may have to switch up soon, because the vibe overall is communally melancholic. I have to remember that life is a celebration, a dance, I'm just reminding myself not to get too caught up in world issues, my grandmother always said if you pay it attention, your feeding it. So I guess what im trying to say is That if I stay focused on the problems of the world as opposed to the joy of it, i'll be feeding it's misery. Not my style, so I have a feeling when this movie is over, I'll be traveling to a different tune, maybe some fly house music, i could use a good month of sweat and dance. Right now as far as hollywood projects go, I strum at a different beat than the masses in this field, I like taking chances, pushing envelopes, I like imagination, chaos, and surrealism. I think Im gonna have to sit on the producers chair to make anything Im really into happen. When I was a kid I always thought to myself, why do all these people I see around me go miserably to work, live, and to survive on paved roads. You know, like nine to 5's they don't really like, or doing things for survival because everyone does things this way, and it seems like 'The Only Way'. This mentality is the mind set of most of the people I've ever met in little 20 some what years of life. I Guess I look at the world from far away and these people I speak of, look at it from a microcosmic perspective. Whatever the case may be, these are the kind of people I see behind desks making decisions on what you see in the movie theatre. A lot of them seem scared to take chances, you know, fear of language, fear of doing something that hasn't been done, Or just plain fear of failure. I personally have issues working with these types of people, I feel incarcerated, restricted, caged you know. Im searching for that group or alliance of fearless adventurers and storytellers of this generation, so I don't have to go into the Hollywood's "cage of frightened sharks" alone. The team is coming together little by little. Through it all, I focus on other things, can't put all your eggs in one basket. One way or another, Ill get that crazy, wild, generation Y voice, out there, nice and loud for all to hear. I hope we don't go to War... that would suck ass. Im no tree hugger, but that would be a really crappy way to get the population to downsize. Maybe mother nature will intervene with a global warming storm and people all over the world are forced to celebrate life together in a festival of revolution for love and joy, a little dancing wouldn't hurt. As of now Im working hard with my partner Dara Young On my Clothing Line called Ishkadada LLC. Ishka pronounces desire in an ancient dialect called sanskrit, and Dada Is representative of an artistic movement that began during world war two in germany. It was a movement against the war, then it evolved into an artistic simplicity movement in russia in the eighties, and in america Andy Warhol lead the for-front in dadaism artwork. He would take old respected art like the Monalisa and placed comedic elements onto it like a mustache, defacing old art and calling it new art. I made up the name and decided to make a "Personality" driven clothing line with it. Working hard on making it happen, from couture, designer, to casual chic wear. We're working hard on making a clothing line that will make it hot to give to charity too. I love animals so much, kids and animals, thats my main focus. We start by donating 10% of our profits from the clothing line, then I plan on making moves and attracting celebrities by showing them that if they donate time, clothes, scripts anything we can sell even photographs we can help whoever they want to help without having the artist donate money directly. As of now many books and dvd's have changed my perspective in life, a lot of the reveal of true power that has taken place in my life has been through curiosity and research. Here are the DVD's Ive been watching: 'The Secret' a 2006 Primetime production. This DVD Is about the secret that has been passed on from generation to generation, revealing the individual power every human has to manifest destiny, from albert Einstein to mother Teresa, every great man and woman has used this secret to manifest greatness in the world. 'The Hidden Truth', by Lightworks audio&video. this DVD, gives you a whole new perspective on the roots of civilization, and the origins of religion, dating back beyond the age of babylon. 'Ashes And Snow by Gregory Colbert, It was the most beautiful imagery I have ever seen in my life, this man captured love in pictures. He changed my life, and made me understand that love exists beyond the boarders of what i've thought the world was, there's a paradise out there, with humble people, and he found it, around the world. 'The Great Year' Narrated by james earl Jones, the yuga project LLC 2003. This film brings you to a whole new perspective of time space and the religious beliefs that have set milestones to these cycles of time. 'Outfoxed' Rupert Murdock's war on journalism, www.outfoxed.org. This DVD gives people a hint of the possibilities in media to persuade and manipulate the publics perspective. 'Tesla the Movie' this is a B movie with a very educating viewpoint on the unrevealed aspects of 'Nikola Tesla's life.' if you see free energy in the future this is the man who saw it first. 'Germs, Guns and Steel' by national Geographic, this documentary is based on the book that has won countless awards for its accurate description of the history of civilization, conquering of countries, and quests for land. "what the bleep do we know" a great film about physics and the dimensions of thought in our own reality. 'David Icke's secrets of the matrix' years ago in about the year 2000, david came out with a book about secret societies and the regular man working to maintain these organizations. I realized a lot of what was in his book came to be, in the movie the matrix. Then 5 years later I find this video and I thought, this guy must be crazy, then I remembered, man has made that judgement about many geniuses, Galileo, Tesla, Einstein, Vango, Carl Jung, Michael Angelo, etc. I believe about a good 50% of what this guy has to say, and thats enough to blow my mind. 'National Treasures Signs and symbols of the U. S. founding fathers. I found this to educational, this DVD is filled with Symbols we see almost everyday when purchasing something or walking in the streets of a city or small town. The symbols are everywhere and they usually mean stuff. Its good to be aware of symbolism sometimes, www.NewScienceIdeas.com for this video. As far as books, I don't want to over whelm anyone, but here are some of the titles that have made me feel Im not alone in how I think: "The secret teachings of all Ages" this book was originally published in 1928 by a mystical scholar and sage, Manly P. Hall. The book embodies the origins of every major religion in the western world existing today by going through anthropological findings of ancient text and scriptures on matters of the gods, alchemy, and the soul of man ,as history tells it. What i love about the book is it gives you reference points so you can research and figure stuff out on your own. Any book by "OSHO" I love this mans mind, he's a walking contradiction, well he was before he died. He was the epitome of free spirit. I learned so much about being neutral and living in the here and now. He is amazing but you have to be open minded and see things from a neutral standpoint to understand his depth. Favorite books by him " the mustard seed" , " Freedom" , " The Rebel", and " Meditation". On another note, that of genetics and anthropological research, my favorite book on the subject as of now is " The seven Daughters Of Eve" this book sparked my interest to go to national GenoGraphic.com and order my genetic test kit. I became curious to see how far back my Mitochondrial DNA could take my lineage. I was found to be Haplo-group A the first migration to the americas. My lineage is actually Eurasian, dating back 50,000, years. I found that out for 130 bucks. Cool huh, i wonder if they'll ever make a clones out of the DNA They keep? Online sights I visit to keep up with the times: www.guerrillanews.com, www.voiceyourself.com, check out Woody Harrelson's video short, he's pretty dope. |